Monday, August 1, 2011

WTF am I doing?

So, I've been lamely thinking about blogging for ages, and coming up with blog posts in my head all the time. Except I don't really blog. I have this blog here, but I never post to it. I guess because I feel awkward writing to an imaginary audience of people - who are these people who don't now but might (really?) read this stuff? I want to write this stuff down for myself, a lot of the time - to remember a good recipe or a good link to something, etc. And my husband is always saying, "You should blog this!" when we come up with something good.
But I guess I've hard a hard time writing in a voice that doesn't seem stilted to me. Most of the blogs that I look at are so *polished* - all fancy photos, etc. And honestly, I just don't have time for that. I'm not going to be doing that. I have a baby, I'm working on my PhD, I'm trying to keep my house reasonably clean and my dog exercised. I barely have time to take care of myself. Case in point: I just painted my toenails and shaved my legs for the first time in years. Years! So I'm not going to be spending my precious spare time finding the perfect angle from which to photograph my kitchen counters.
Also, I'm not sure how on board I am with the concept of sharing everything online. Or at least, I wasn't. But I've been reading xoJane and loving it - loving the honesty with which those ladies put themselves out there. It's so refreshing to hear about their mishaps and successes. I've genuinely felt freed by their writing to be more myself and to accept my own voice.
And accepting my own voice is something that I've been really struggling with. I'm working on writing this philosophy dissertation and one of the major things that has been holding me up is my fear of putting myself out there - of sharing my ideas with the rest of the philosophers. More on that later. The point is though - I like the idea of just keeping it real.
So here we go. I'm going to post to this thing when I feel like it. I'm going to write what I feel like writing. I'm not going to worry about keeping it to some kind of a theme or being able spin a book off from it or whatever these other blogging ladies are doing. Though props to them nevertheless. And I'm hoping that putting myself and my thoughts out there on here will in some way help me get over that fear so that I can put myself "out there" in other ways too. Cheesy, but whatever - that's what I'm doing.

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